


West Bound

by hedgerowhag



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Drunk Sex, Fluff, Hux has actual feelings, Implied Sexual Content, Kylo is trying his best (and fucking up), M/M, Not Very Nice People Falling in Love, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 12:02:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6609958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedgerowhag/pseuds/hedgerowhag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Later on, Hux would blame everything that happened that day on a flu and a destroyed schedule.</p>
            </blockquote>





	West Bound

It was only a play of chance that an afternoon politics lecture at the City of London College was cancelled. It caused a slight influx in the number of the London residents out on the streets and on the public transport – a slip from the order around which the city was structured.

However, it was the flu that pestered Hux that acted as the real culprit in his break from a rigid, maximum efficiency yielding schedule.

At first, Hux had discarded the flu as just a slight discomfort that he could ignore the entire day without consequence. But then he found himself wheezing with coughing fits in his shared office which disrupted his work and made his colleagues glance at him with pity. The seminars weren’t any better and Hux was merely glad that both he and his students were happy enough to cut them short – though it was very unlike him and quite a few of the students stared at him, waiting for the pun.

He was prepared to battle through the lecture, swallowing coughs and choking on lodged mucus, but the cancellation alert arrived at the last minute and everyone was sent away promptly at half past four.

Hissing profanities, Hux left the campus building and made his way towards the Aldgate subway station. Even in the underground the air was frigid cold and Hux wished he could be enveloped entirely in his coat and scarf and for the absurd snivelling to fucking _stop_. But he could only wish.

Out of pure laziness and spite for his flu, Hux took one stop to Tower Hill and switched over from the District line to the Circle line, taking a west bound train towards Earl’s Court. To his relief, the majority of the train carriages were near empty as the commuters were only due to appear at later stops. Hux took the privilege of slumping across a seat, placing his briefcase between his feet and promptly dozing off with his face pressed into his scarf.

 

Somewhere around the stop at the Victoria station Hux managed to wake up. He noticed that blessedly he managed to not fall across the seats, his briefcase was where he had left it and that the carriage was only half full.

Choking down a glob of mucus lodged in his throat, Hux began to jostle himself back into awareness. Two more stops passed and then the broad stroke of light spilled through the carriage as the train approached Earl’s Court from Sloane Square. Some passengers began to stand, shuffling towards the doorways in the preparation for the flood of commuters.

It was only due to his nauseous state that Hux remained seated when someone walked past him and caught the edge of his briefcase, causing it to slip from between his feet and topple onto the floor. He must have latched the buckle poorly because folders and various notebooks spilled across the floor and out of reach.

“Oh shit,” cursed the stranger, “I’m so sorry.” He knelt down to help Hux gather the discarded the folders, muttering apologies as he did so.

Whilst pulling some of the disarrayed objects towards himself and shoving them back into the briefcase, Hux realised that the stranger had an American accent. It wasn’t anything surprising since London is a puzzle box of all possible nationalities, but Hux found it oddly endearing never the less.

“Thank you,” Hux muttered through his scarf as the stranger handed him the last of the papers.

The stranger was still kneeling in front of him when Hux took in his appearance: despite his position it was easy to tell he was a tall and strongly built. He also seemed to have an obsession with wearing every shade of black as if any sign of colour insulted him.

A hood and the messy locks of dark hair obscured the stranger’s face and it seemed rather unfair because he was rather pleasant looking. Hux followed the line of the stranger’s pale jaw, the trail of moles on his blushing cheeks and then up to his eyes. They made him seem to young, those eyes enveloped in evening sun that were so soft and kind, almost like his mind didn’t fit his body.

Then the realisation slammed into Hux’s mind like a train wreck, crashing and jamming his heart in his throat.

Anger flooded Hux’s face like a thunderstorm. “You!” Hux hissed, his voice breaching onto a low howl.

The man looked at him in pure terror, frozen, dark eyes fixed on Hux’s.

In that very moment the train pulled into the station and the doors began to open. The man gathered himself to his feet, reeling away from Hux who jolted up, hands clenched in fists.

“ _Kylo fucking Ren_!” Hux roared, his throat in searing pain.

The man – Kylo – ran through the doors and fled onto the platform. Hux barrelled after him through the crowds that were trying to squeeze into the train carriage shoulder to shoulder. Hux managed to push them apart, elbowing them from his path.

Keeping his eyes locked on the disappearing dark figure, Hux yelled, “You fucking bastard, get back here!” He saw Kylo flinch, almost knocking into some poor passer-by.

While Hux stormed across the platform, shouting for him to fucking stop, Kylo made a beeline for the exit staircase. Hux intended to follow the man and pummel him with verbal and possibly physical assaults but the masses of the commuters swarmed around him and closed Hux’s view of his target.

When he finally made it out of the suffocating mob onto a clear patch of the platform, he could no longer see Kylo.

 

 

 

The City of London College was the place where Hux began his academic career. Since early age he knew he wanted to gain a diploma in politics and abandoned any ideas of prosperity in social circles in favour of gaining footing in his academia.

In spite of his best efforts to detach himself from people who insisted on becoming ‘friends’ with him, they still achieved their goal. This resulted in Hux sharing a house with seven other students in the second and third year of his undergraduate course. Amongst those students was a kid that insisted on being called ‘Kylo Ren’ – everybody knew it wasn’t his real name, but they indulged him anyway.

Being the friend of a mutual friend, Hux and Kylo found themselves living in the same house for two years. At least, they agreed to mutually hate each other; Hux thought Kylo was a lazy, immature, useless lump of whining and tantrums while Kylo thought Hux had a stick rammed so far up his ass it apparently damaged his brain and he no longer knew how to act like anything other than a robot.

However, as it seemed they could not avoid each other, they learned to tolerate each other and withheld their murderous tendencies.

At the end of the second semester of their third year, many of the students were preparing for their last exams. Some of the people with whom Hux housed had already finished with their academic year and were preparing to go home and were celebrating the completion of their torment by getting absurdly drunk.

On one of those last nights, Hux was preparing for an exam that was looming over him in the next three days. In an attempt to remain focused, Hux ignored the commotion of yet another drinking session down stairs. His concentration was only dispelled when the door to his room was crashed open and a drunk Kylo barrelled in.

The next thing Hux knew he was being kissed and a warm body was climbing onto his lap. One thing led to another and he didn’t even try to stop it though he knew he should have. Hux had never thought of Kylo as particularly attractive or even interesting, but Hux did hold some reluctant affection towards him, so he indulged.

Hux had expected it to be awkward and a messy, but what he didn’t expect was for Kylo to repeatedly whisper _‘I love you’_. It made Hux’s stomach feel uneasy and he knew what was happening was wrong. So entirely wrong. He should have stopped it when he had the chance.

At the end of the rather odd ‘affair’ it seemed that Kylo finally sobered. In a moment of clarity, he looked at Hux and _whimpered_ in terror “Oh no, oh fucking no, shit” before disappearing out of the room.

Hux wasn’t hurt. No, not at all. (No, it fucking hurt, but he lied to himself, he lied and lied. He didn’t know why it hurt, but it did.) He expected to confront Kylo about what had occurred between some other time; in that moment he simply didn’t care.

However, during the entire day that followed Hux didn’t see Kylo and it actually concerned him.

Feigning casual curiosity, Hux asked one of the housemates where Kylo was. They told him that he had an early flight home, back to America.

For the next nine six, Hux didn’t see Kylo again.

 

 

 

_A Week and a Half After the Day_

As expected of a PhD student, the vast majority of Hux’s weekdays were cloyed with meetings, lectures and seminars. However, on Fridays his schedule freed after four o’clock. Typically, Hux would retire to one of libraries and spend some time on his work but as it seemed that his flu _still_ persisted in making his life miserable, he deserted the ideas of making any progress in his work. He felt guilty for doing it twice now.

Sometime near four thirty, after finishing a scheduled meeting with a student, Hux packed his work papers and made his way to the underground station.

Once again, Hux got off at Tower Hill station and changed lines. As the carriages were still empty at that point in the journey, Hux allowed himself to press against a barrier between the seat and the doorway and begin to doze.

 

The stop announcements acted as subconscious triggers that slowly drew Hux out of his sleep. He had perfected the mechanism after years of making the same journeys until the names and time intervals between stops were ingrained into his head.

By Sloane Square Hux was already rubbing sleep out of his eyes, gathering his bearings and assessing the development of the crowds in the carriages while he slept. Throwing a glance down the length of the carriage Hux watched the passengers begin to shuffle towards the doors.

A stop passed and then the train began to approach Earl’s Court. Sunlight flashed inside the train, coating the floors and walls in the stark glow that blinded Hux and made his head ache. Then the shadow of the station fell onto the train again.

Numbed with the haze of sleep, Hux drew himself from his seat and made his way to the door. As usual, the mobs of the commuters waited outside, pushing in before any could even get out. Using his shoulders Hux forced through the masses, slipping onto the platform.

He almost made it to the exit when he looked up the staircase and saw a familiar figure standing on the top steps. It took a moment for Hux’s flu addled brain to realise before the man disappeared that it was Kylo.

Hux wanted to chase Kylo, possibly throw something at him. But he only sighed and made no attempt to run – he was too tired had too much dignity to try that again.

 

 

_4 Weeks and a Half After the Day_

As the days dragged on the hideous flu dissipated at last. Hux finally decided that should the opportunity arise he will not hold back from beating Kylo bloody. But three weeks had passed and he did not catch a sight of the man again though every Friday he left work at four thirty.

It was about the appropriate time for Hux to disregard the plan of murder; it’s easy to lose track of people in the city and you can never see the same face twice by a sheer accident. Yes, it was an appropriate time to forget the entire encounter and move on – as if nothing happened.

Hux’s mind had already wandered off to the thoughts of unmarked essays and unfinished presentations when he checked through the barriers. Outside, the masses of the public flowed out onto the streets and dispersed amongst the pedestrians, like tributaries of a river meeting and running as one current.

It was easy to get lost in that hive-like mind, simply finding your slot amongst the crowds and following the course. Hux often found himself being sucked into that all-consuming flow but that day someone’s voice rung him out of the daze.

“Hux!” He heard again and paused, looking around himself until he caught the sight of a darkly dressed figure standing against the wall of the station. The flow of the public ebbed away around them and Hux was finally able to see Kylo clearly.

Hux stood for a moment, trying to assess the situation and decide what would be the next best course of action: should he walk over there and take a right hook to Kylo’s face or should he go straight for a knee to the crotch.

Instead, Hux slowly made his way to Kylo and fixing him with a cold, impassive expression. “What are you doing here?” he asked, teeth gritted.

To Hux, it was a small victory to see Kylo wince at his tone. “What am I doing here in this country or what am I doing here waiting at the station?” Kylo asks, his face askew with genuine confusion.

Hux shrugged, he didn’t really care. “At the station?” he prompted.

Kylo looked uncomfortable again, as if by reflex drawing a hand to the back of his neck. “I was waiting for you,” he muttered.

“And to what end?” sneered Hux.

“I don’t know yet,” Kylo replied, staring in puzzlement at his own feet. “Listen,” Kylo looked up with an expression of desperate hope. “I—I want apologise—.”

“Apologise?” Hux interrupted, biting back a bark of laughter. “If you’re trying to apologise for what I think you are, I’ve got news for you: you’re six years late,” he snapped, teeth bared.

Kylo winced again, almost appearing to shrink under Hux’s assault. “I know I shouldn’t really have the right to even ask you,” he tried again, “but could we just talk? You know, about— things.”

The attempt at sincerity was so pathetic it made Hux seethe with disgust under his skin. But something in those damn puppy eyes with endless oceans of hope swayed him and made him nod.

 

Deciding that he could only deal with the evening under heavy sedation, Hux led them towards a relatively calm bar. They made small talk, about Kylo returning to the states, about Hux’s career at CLC and what little else they still had in common.

From what he could deduce, Hux found out that Kylo moved back to London only several months beforehand. He was staying near South Ealing with some friends from his undergraduate years and worked at the Charing Cross theatre as a technician (who knew that he was actually capable of doing hard work). Kylo avoided the reasons for why he had returned to London but made it clear that he intended to stay.

Eventually, the conversation simply began to bore Hux and he lost track of Kylo’s words, everything blurring together into a steady buzz of sound. He wanted to believe it was the alcohol but really it was Kylo who distracted Hux because the six years had been kind to Kylo; where he used to lack in appearance the years filled him out, bringing a strange charm to his uneven features.

“Why did you do it?” suddenly Hux asked, snapping his eyes up from Kylo’s lips.

“Do what?” Kylo asked, startled.

“Why did you fuck me and then look at me like you committed murder?” Hux didn’t even care for the bluntness of his words, he had become sick of toeing the line. Though they were sat in the corner of the bar, away from the incoming crowds, Hux could still feel glances being thrown at them – he didn’t fucking care.

To Hux’s pleasure Kylo actually cringed with guilt; every moment of watching the man squirm in discomfort felt like a blessing from heaven.

“You wouldn’t even believe me if I told you,” blurted Kylo.

“I don’t care, try me.”

After some incoherent mumbling, Kylo composed himself and began to speak. “That night I was far more drunk than I thought I was,” he said. “I thought I was in a dream or something. I don’t know how, but I ended up stumbling into your room and uh—,” Kylo broke off, a furious blush taking over his face.

As far as Hux could perceive, Kylo only changed physically; Deep down he was still an inept teenager with next to no social skills or sense of dignity.

“Just get on with it,” Hux bit out, holding back the urge to simply wolf down the remainder of his drink and try to forget that any of that evening actually happened.

“Look,” Kylo said, “I liked you, back then, but I never wanted to say anything. So when I came into your room drunk and you didn’t tell me to get out, for some reason I decided to take my chance—.”

“By fucking me,” Hux supplied.

“When you put it that way…”

“And then you decided that the best thing to do next is to scream and run away?”

“I didn’t scream!” Kylo hissed, suddenly losing his awkwardness.

“Yes you did,” laughed Hux. “You screamed and you ran like a God damn imbecile.” He took a swallow of his drink and it burned his throat like a sob.

Kylo deflated and sank into his seat. “I got scared,” he continued. “My head cleared and I realised what I had done. I thought you would laugh at me, or something, because you always hated me. So I got away before you could say anything.”

Hux stared in disbelief, he couldn’t understand how stupid the overgrown teenager could be. “It might have escaped your notice, but I was rather willing in what we did.”

Saying nothing, Kylo kept his eyes averted downwards, hands playing with loose threads of his sleeves.

“This is ridiculous,” sighed Hux. “I’ve had enough,” he said, standing from his seat and taking hold of his coat. Before he could step away from the table a hand caught around his wrist. The touch disappeared before Hux could react. Hux looked up at Kylo with an expression of contempt.

“Let me make it up to you,” pleaded Kylo, looking so hurt it almost made Hux feel bad. “Please.”

 

By the end of the night, there was a new number in Hux’s contacts. He didn’t dare touch it but before midnight his phone buzzed. Hux ground his teeth as he looked at the message.

 

 

_3 Months and a Week After the Day_

They make it a habit— no. _Kylo_ made it a habit of texting Hux and pestering him into meeting on the Fridays during which their schedules seemed to coincide. Hux resented the idea of spending his free time with Kylo – he still hated the man from his childish idiocy to his incomprehensible need to ‘make it up’ to Hux – but he was still somehow dragged along.

Frequently, they would spend the evenings with friends from work or people they kept in touch from their years as students. But at the end of the evenings Hux and Kylo always ended up together. They would be holding each other up as their legs refused to work, Kylo laughing and Hux frowning but biting back his own giggling as they stumbled down the empty corridors of the tube station. Later, Hux would deny that he _giggled_ but would grin at the memory anyway.

On such an instance Kylo and Hux were sat in an empty train carriage. They both had lost track of the passing hours and their vision only barely kept straight.

Hux was practically sliding down onto the floor from his seat as his inspected the new cracks on his phone screen, his disregarded tie knotted around his fingers. Kylo lied on his back, arms hiding his face and feet nudging against Hux’s thigh.

“Y’know,” Kylo mumbled against his arms.

“I can’t hear you,” Hux retorted, still tracing the cracks on his phone mournfully.

“Y’know,” Kylo tried again, flinging his arms aside. “That day I bumped into you, I did it on purpose.”

“’ _Bumped_ ’?” Hux cried out, turning to his dishevelled companion. “More like crashed with the elegance of an overweight pig. Is that how you try to seduce people?” he snorted.

“I wasn’t tryin’ to seduce an’one,” Kylo said, kicking Hux’s ribs but Hux grabbed him by his foot, bending it unnaturally until Kylo yelped in pain and scooted away across the seats.

“Then why did you try to get my attention like some teenager girl if you weren’t trying to seduce me?”

Kylo groaned, flopping down and turning on his side to face the seats, “Shuddup”, he hissed.

With the passing stops their awareness began to return, allowing them to gain at least some sense of sobriety.

Approaching Earl’s Court Hux pulled Kylo to his feet, struggling between groaning with frustration and laughing when the taller man could hardly make effort not to topple onto him. With arms bound around Hux’s shoulders from behind and his face jammed into the crook of his shoulder, Kylo managed to gain balance on his feet. Slowly, they managed to shuffle onto the platform.

Once the train retreated Hux twisted around in Kylo’s locked arms. They stood facing each other, faces flushed and eyes glassy.

“I really don’t think you’ll be able to make it home like this,” Hux noted, his words surprisingly coherent.

“Oh yea’?” Kylo smirked, snorting aside matted clumps of sweaty hair.

“Yes,” Hux agreed, his eyes trailing down Kylo’s blushing cheek, down to his full lips, bitten from supressing laughter, wet from spit and remainder of alcohol. Hux imagined chasing that taste.

“Whatcha looking at?” Kylo cooed, crowding in closer.

“Your mouth is stupid,” Hux replied, he couldn’t draw his eyes away.

Kylo’s eyes widened briefly. “You think my mouth is stupid?” he laughed, the warm breath brushing over Hux’s skin as the blush crept down Kylo’s neck.

“So fucking stupid,” Hux nodded and then he was leaning up and kissing Kylo, all sloppy and uncoordinated, his hands twisted in Kylo’s jacket. His lips tasted just as Hux thought they would and felt so plush and soft beneath his own. Kylo returned the kiss with enthusiasm, moaning against Hux’s lips.

“So,” a bite, “fucking,” a lick, “stupid,” Hux growled and Kylo was shutting him up with his lips and tongue, hands on Hux’s jaw and neck.

They pulled apart, their faces red and slick with sweat.

“Maybe, you should come back with me,” Hux whispered in the silver of the air between them. “It would be very irresponsible of me to let you go like this.”

“Yes, it would be,” Kylo said, pressing a kiss to Hux’s jaw before pulling him along across the platform.

What happened between then and walking through the door of Hux’s flat was a gaping void which his memory could not fill no matter how he strained it. But that didn’t matter because clothes were torn away, skin was bared and bites and kisses were traded as hands grasped in the need of the feeling of naked heat.

Somehow, they found themselves on the bed, laughing as their uncoordinated arms and legs slid and they ended up falling onto each other. Somewhere along the way as teeth retraced their tracks of bruises Kylo pulled Hux into his lap.

Trailing his hands down Kylo’s arms, Hux felt the sinews and bones beneath the skin, the muscles tensing beneath his fingertips. He circled the wrists with his hands and smiled at Kylo with a sharp grin. And then they were tumbling once again until Hux ended up on his back, his thighs hoisted up by wide, strong hands that skimmed his fragile pale skin, drawing red lines in their wake.

Gradually their kisses slowed, hands stilled and they came to a pause, breathing heavily as Hux reached up and traced over the sharp contours of Kylo’s body, slick with sweat and washed by the dim light pouring in through the window. Hux wanted to take his time and admire what he had missed for six years. He decided it was all worth the wait.

Suddenly, Kylo leaned down, trapping Hux in a kiss and rocking against him, causing burning friction. Sweet moans escaped Hux’s lips as he pressed towards Kylo, following his movements, wrapping his legs around his hips and clawing red lines into Kylo’s back – asking, _pleading_.

Kylo leaned down and kissed against Hux’s jaw, neck, collarbone and then back up until he met the corner of Hux’s lips all while the other moaned, pulling Kylo closer and closer.

“Hush, I’ve got you,” murmured Kylo, leaning down, brushing his lips against Hux’s ear. “I’ve got you.”

 

It sounded like thunder from a tiny raging cloud that hung over his head. At first, Hux tried to ignore it, groaning and burrowing his head into the pillow. But then it became louder and a soft, if slightly prickly, touch pressed against his forehead.

Finally, Hux opened his eyes, grimacing, and saw a small orange figure sitting on the pillow beside his head.

“Millie?” Hux squinted up at the cat purring cat. “What is it sweetheart?” he asked, reaching up to pet the small creature. Millie bumped her head against his outstretched hand, taking it as a queue stand and trample around his head.

It must have been fairly late in the morning because Millie only woke Hux when she grew impatient of waiting for him to get up and feed her. She would purr and nudge him until he got up, it didn’t matter how much he told her to leave him alone, Millie always got her way.

Slowly, Hux began to retract himself from the bed, wincing when a sudden stab of pain struck through his skull. Even slower and now aware of the protesting from his own body, Hux levered himself up. However, once again he was halted, this time by an arm securely wrapped around his waist. Looking down, Hux saw the pale, broad and long fingered hand splayed across his stomach.

With his mind still fuzzy Hux followed the hand up to its wrist, the well-toned muscular forearm and upper arm. Hux swallowed heavily as he caught the sight of Kylo lying behind him, opened mouthed and slack faced, his ridiculous long hair tangled and matted with sweat.

That was something to deal with after, Millie was Hux’s primary concern.

It took some time to pry Kylo’s hand away from Hux because each time he pealed it away, it returned and trapping him more securely than the previous time. Eventually, Hux escaped the bed before Kylo could catch him again. As Hux stood away, Kylo kept on snoring, flopped across the wide expanse of the bed.

The next thing that Hux noticed as Millie ran out of the door with excited purrs was that he was entirely naked. It didn’t necessarily shock him because he was quite aware of what had happened, it just made him groan as it meant he would actually have to move in order to get clothes and that would mean potential pain spiking through his abused head.

After scavenging out a fresh set of underwear and sleep pants, Hux collected the discarded tatters of clothes from the floor and dumped them aside, deciding to deal with them later.

Millie yowled from the kitchen, her pattering feet racing across the floor.

“Alright, alright!” Hux hissed, stumbling through the flat, wincing at every flash of light and creak of the floor boards. For once, he hated how large his flat was.

The block of flats was of a rustic style, built with red bricks and every outward facing room had a tall window that stretched to the floor. Hux had been lucky enough to have financial support from his parents and was able to afford one of the most expensive flats with a sprawling balcony and excessively large rooms.

Hux never felt guilty for what he could afford, only took as much pleasure as he could from his privileges. It never won him any favours.

After leaving Millie satisfied with an over filled bowl of food, Hux retreated to make coffee and potentially some form of breakfast – it would allow him some time to consider his next course of action.

However, after mulling over a glass of water and trying to get his thoughts in order, Hux had to accept that he would have to deal with the issue at hand straight away, without a plan or even a notion of the resolution.

Armed with a mug of black coffee Hux retreated to the bedroom. He stopped in the doorway, taking a heavy gulp of scorching drink before walking inside. Kylo was still sprawled across the bed, hands flung outwards and face pressed into a pillow, making him snort in his sleep.

Hux sat on the edge of the bed beside the spot which he previously occupied, the coffee braced protectively in front of him – prepared to spill it if the occasion called for it.

“Kylo,” he said, prodding the sleeping man on his shoulder. He received an incoherent mutter. “ _Kylo_ ,” Hux tried again, this time shaking him roughly.

Finally, Kylo seemed to draw into consciousness, curling in on himself and dragging the covers closer.

“Why are you out of bed?” Kylo mumbled, rubbing sleep out of his eyes with the heels of his palms. “It’s nothing o’clock.”

If Hux didn’t have an ounce of dignity, he would have admitted the sight bridged on to adorable. He immediately retracted that thought when Kylo spotted that mug held in his hands and shot up, grabbing hold of it and slurping down the contents. Hux did nothing to take it back, deciding it was a lost cause.

With a small amount of amusement Hux watched the sheet slip off Kylo, displaying him in his full nudity while he became preoccupied with the coffee. At first, Hux wanted to turn away but the idea seemed ridiculous after what they had done.

“If you were waiting for an opportune moment to run away screaming,” Hux broke the almost comfortable silence, “this is it.”

Kylo choked and stared up at Hux, suddenly looking uncomfortable. “What—? No, I wasn’t going to—,” he desperately tried to grasp for words. “I mean, unless you want me to go away.”

Hux laughed, considering the proposition. “No,” he said, smiling faintly. “I was actually wondering if you would help me with breakfast.”

The look of stricken terror instantly melted off Kylo’s face, forming something soft and grateful. “Uh, yeah sure,” Kylo said, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. “Maybe there is an opportunity for a shower too?”

Something crashed in the apartment, it sounded like the cat bowl being skidded across the floor in the kitchen.

“That would be Millie,” Hux explained, looking to the open door way, expecting to see the small orange form strike past.

“’ _Millie_ ’?” Kylo cringed.

“My cat.”

“You have a _cat_?”

“Yes, you tripped over her last night.”

“Oh yeah, I remember her,” Kylo nodded wistfully, refocussing on the almost empty coffee cup in his hands. “Small and ginger – just like you,” he muttered.

That earned him whack across the head, but they were both smiling.

 

 

_Seven Months After the Day_

 

Hux knew he should have said ‘no’ when he had the chance. It was Friday again and Kylo asked him to go and have a drink with him. He said that it had been a bad day at work and he needed a distraction.

Hux _knew_ he should have just gone home, but there was something in Kylo’s voice when he called which made him realise that if he didn’t go something would happen and he would regret saying ‘no’.

 

It did happen.

There was a fight. Kylo had too much to drink and his temper go out of hand. It didn’t get too far though; Hux didn’t let a drop of alcohol past his lips and he and the staff of the bar managed to drag Kylo out before the police needed to be involved.

Kylo was far too drunk, it was obvious to anyone, and Hux hated himself for not stopping him while he could.

After that they headed home, taking a west bound train on the Circle line. While Kylo lied across the seats with his head on Hux’s lap, Hux sternly retained his attention on his phone, checking late college emails and ignored texts. Absently, he brushed his free hand through Kylo’s hair, drawing it down to his neck and pressing his fingers to the pulse – it was rapid, but steady.

At their stop, Hux had to shake Kylo awake and haul him up. He clung onto Hux, mumbling incoherently, trying to reach under Hux’s clothes but Kylo was quickly swatted away, wrists braced in small, strong hands.

Though the day had been unbearably warm, outside the night air was pleasantly cool, soothing fever flushed skin. They slowly progressed towards Hux’s flat, occasionally halting and gathering themselves back together before continuing stumbling down the streets.

“You’re so nice t’ me,” Kylo groaned, hugging Hux’s middle as they attempted to make their way up the upstairs of the apartment building. “Why’re you so nice to me?” asked Kylo, suddenly yanking Hux, almost making them both topple backwards but Hux managed to regain his balance just in time.

“Shut up and keep walking,” ground out Hux.

Somehow, with much difficulty, they found themselves in the hallway of the flat.

“Y’know, you shouldn’t be that nice,” Kylo continued, stumbling around the furniture in the living room, bumping into sharp corners and tripping over his own feet. “’Cause I don’t deserve it,” he concluded, watching in confusion as Millie wound between his feet and towards Hux who followed Kylo into the room with a stern expression.

“Look!” Kylo gestured towards the ginger cat who desperately yowled at her owner. “Even she agrees!”

“You need sleep,” said Hux.

“Don’t be like that!” Kylo barrelled towards Hux on his unsteady feet. “Aren’t you listenin’ to what I’m saying?” he pleaded, taking Hux’s face into his hands too tightly. “I’m tellin’ you to stop bein’ so nice, so forgivin’ – I don’t deserve it,” he said, pressing sloppy, wet kisses to Hux’s squashed cheeks.

“Maybe I don’t want to stop,” Hux replied, trying to push Kylo away – it didn’t work.

There was a moment of silence, as Kylo dropped his hands to Hux’s shoulders, breathing raggedly as if he had been running. Then Kylo suddenly pulled back a little, looking down onto Hux intently. “I think I love you,” he whispered.

Hux gaped, hands falling slack against Kylo’s chest. He didn’t know what to say even though he knew it was just Kylo’s drunk rambling.

“What?” he breathed, staring wide eyed at Kylo.

“I really love you,” said Kylo, muffling his own words with another disgustingly wet kiss pressed squarely on Hux’s lips.

“Don’t say that,” Hux said, numb to the feeling of hands beginning to pull at his clothes.

“Why? You scared I’ll leave you again?” Kylo smiled as he spoke.

Hux looked away, biting the inside of his cheeks, his throat feeling uncomfortably tight.

“You are!” Kylo barked in triumph. “Maybe I will, maybe I’m jus’ gonna leave you, like the last time,” he said, his smile widening and it made Hux feel sick, his skin crawling at the words that fell out of Kylo’s lips. He knew he shouldn’t believe a single syllable that alcohol soaked tongue formed – but he couldn’t help it.

“Maybe I wouldn’t even miss you,” Kylo whispered against the skin of Hux’s throat. “I wouldn’t even come back.”

Hux’s chest began to ache from the ragged, fast breaths that rucked through his chest. He could barely think straight to push Kylo away and he didn’t even feel the other slacken and droop against him.

“I should do it, just to hurt you for makin’ me hate myself for runnin’ away that time,” Kylo said, his words gradually beginning to slow down and slur into one another as he sagged against Hux who still held his hands against Kylo’s chest. “B’ not now,” he muttered, “later I think—I think I need t’ sleep.” And just like that Kylo collapsed against Hux.

It took a moment for Hux to coordinate himself and throw Kylo down onto the sofa – the man didn’t even wake up, curling up and drifting on.

Hux stared down at Kylo, watching him shift and his breathing slow, wishing he had enough strength to shake him awake and tell him to get out.

The words didn’t hurt him, not truly, because God knows Hux had known himself to say worse people; he wasn’t a good person, never was and never will be – he admitted that. What truly hurt was the fact that those words were said by Kylo to him. Hux thought that there was something built between them, a thin line of understanding and odd sentimentality that neither would break despite their history.

Kylo was drunk and angry from a bad day and nothing that he said counted. Hux knew that, but it still fucking _hurt._

 

Sleep hardly visited Hux that night as he stiffly laid on his bed, slowly drawing his fingers through Millie’s fur, listening to her rolling purrs as she curled beside him on the pillow. Eventually, even she fell silent and Hux was left alone to listen to the faint rustling of clothing and the groans of the sofa as Kylo turned in his sleep.

Hux argued to himself that it was the anger that kept him awake, along with the nauseous cocktail of other emotions he denied ever existing in his head.

They suffocated him eventually, allowing Hux to fall into unconsciousness.

 

The creaking of the floorboards, the sigh of hinges as a window was open. A soft voice murmured in some far room, a replying yowl of a cat.

Hux hade felt his jaw clench when the footsteps first began to explore the flat. He refused to get up when Millie came to pester him, hiding under a roof of white sheets – Hux felt too much of a coward to leave that small pocket of safety. There was a small hope at the back of his mind that if he waited long enough Kylo would simply go – like he did last time.

But to Hux’s disappointment, Kylo stayed and did what Hux couldn’t bring himself to: when Millie wouldn’t stop screaming at Hux, Kylo called her away; when the flat became too warm under the heat of the July sun, he opened the windows to air the rooms.

It must have been midday when Kylo finally walked into Hux’s room to stand in the doorway, stepping from foot to foot. Hux didn’t see him – he was turned away, lying under the curdled mess of blankets, his eyes tightly shut.

“Hux,” the name softly carried through the room. “I know you’re not asleep.”

Hux said nothing, trying to even his breathing as his heart pounded.

“I remember what I said,” Kylo murmured, stepping closer to the bed. “And I want you to know that I am sorry. I didn’t mean a thing—,” he halted. “Well, I didn’t mean that I would leave you and hurt you,” Kylo rambled like a scolded child. “But I did mean the others stuff. And—I mean, if you want, I will leave. I don’t really have an excuse for what I said and I—.”

Kylo never finished his though because moment later he was being dragged down onto the bed, enraptured by pale, freckled limbs.

They were kissing, and everything seemed okay.

 

 

 

_One Year and Eight Months After the Day_

 

The crowds keep on pouring into the carriage, mobs of families with children who run yelling, elderly couples who barely shift and individuals who seem to have decided to be too holy to move away from the fucking doors.

Hux watches the proceeding masses fill the train, anticipating any potential threat to his peace. He winces every time a child raises its voice too loud and gnaws at the cuticles of his right ring finger that is jammed between his teeth. Hux had expected for the crowds disperse, but they only kept pushing in and in, making the stifling August heat of the city almost unbearable.

Kylo doesn’t seem to notice Hux’s gradual meltdown, his attention hopelessly averted to a toddler bound in the arms of its dozing mother. The round gooey face had bewitched Kylo, turning the contents of his head into mush. It giggles and gurgles every time Kylo coos at it, playing those stupid games that are deemed appropriate for the interaction with children.

Though he doesn’t bother glancing, Hux knows that Kylo has that look on his face that makes him go all mellow and glassy eyed. Hux can’t appreciate it because his focus is concentrated on not committing homicide; he doesn’t like disorganised mobs that threaten to suffocate him, and they are  _everywhere_. For _fuck’s_ sake.

A parent is yelling at their teenage child, an elderly woman with a nasal voice is trying to speak over her companions, someone is clearing their voice but it rather sounds like they are choking. There is a smell of fast food, a tang of beer and the overbearing stench of deodorant.

It all only makes Hux jam his teeth against the skin of his finger harder. He just wants to get home, open all of the windows and lie on the sofa as the evening breeze sweeps in with the smell of the freshly cut grass from the park.

Someone pushes through the pressed crowds, nudging everyone apart, and a fresh cloud of the stench of sweat sweeps through the carriage.

A copper taste floods Hux’s tongue.

“Oh fucking shit,” Hux curses, inspecting his hand where blood is trailing over the spit slicked skin.

“What is it?” Kylo asks, turning around. “Aw, what have you done to your hand?” he tsks and takes Hux’s wounded finger into his own wide hands, examining the broken skin.

“Leave it alone,” Hux snaps, snatching back his hand.

“What were you thinking about so hard that you didn’t notice how you mutilated your hand?” Kylo laughs. He sits askew, one leg under him, an elbow on the backrest of the seat, crowding into Hux, unbothered by the stinking masses around them. It made Hux’s mind boil.

“I was thinking,” Hux snapped, “what kind of an idiot would call himself _Kylo Ren_.” That sounded much better in his mind, Hux blames it on the heat.

Kylo stares at him for a moment before erupting in laughter that he stifles against Hux’s neck – it’s warm, too warm. “What? Unlike you who refuses to be called by his first name?” Kylo snorts – he doesn’t seem to be offended. “Sometimes it’s like even you can’t remember what it is.”

Hux grinds his teeth together, staring ahead and refusing to face Kylo’s smirk.

“You even make me call you ‘Hux’ in bed,” Kylo teases, leaning in closer. “ _’Hux, Hux, Hux_ — ‘,” he moans lowly into the other’s ear, grinning as Hux blushes furiously and sinks deeper into his seat.

“Maybe it’s because you’re so obsessed with work. I mean, all that  _power_ over those young minds,” continues Kylo. “No wonder you liked it when I called you  _Si_ —.”

Hux clasps his hand over Kylo’s mouth before he could finish the phrase. He can feel that infuriating smirk beneath his fingers, those damned eyes creasing at the corners with laughter. Hux lets go because he knows what will come next.

As he pulls away he sees that pink tongue peeking out between Kylo’s lips ready for the assault.

Hux scrunches up his nose in distaste, rubbing the hand he used to cover Kylo’s mouth against his thigh as if to clean it.

“Don’t be like that,” Kylo grins, leaning forward and pressing a brief kiss to Hux’s cheek.

Hux is about to snap at him again but the stark August sun breaks into the train, banishing the shadows into their corners, briefly illuminating everything in the yellow spill of sunlight. Hux watches as Kylo’s eyes light up from within in a spectrum of hidden colours. A breath of a breeze slips through an open window and catches in Kylo’s hair, brushing against his pale cheeks and the smiling lips.

A shadow falls over the train and the vision is gone. The sounds of the station envelop them and the masses packed inside the train begin to shift.

Hux sighs and takes Kylo’s hand, pulling him to follow.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> this has kind of been inspired by [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpXDEWQSG00)
> 
> if anyone wants to ask me a question or just to say hi, please feel free to get hold of me on [tumblr](http://beeeeebeeee.tumblr.com/)


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